What Could Be Worse?

Of all the things I could have imagined to go through, this is not the one thing: watching my child go through cancer of the brain (one large tumor, and some small ones--not told how many). The tumor is aggressive. His process from the second surgery, which was emergency, is slow. The time frame is small to begin procedures to "kill" the tumors. I am in a dream world; if you wish to know surreal, place yourself in my shoes. When you are told to live your life day to day, that is what is meant. Vincent"s advancements are a day to day success, with the occasional set back. Each piece of news comes with mixed emotions because most is attached to "if." My chest has not stopped hurting since the day he was wheeled quickly back to surgery. I have not left the hospital in the evening since that time either. I have found my way back to work. Working has helped to relieve some of the stress. Amazingly, my family has kept phone calls during my campus hours to none, which allows for NO PANIC. However, I miss Vincent attempting to call or text during those times.

If I knew the name of the cancer right off the top of my head, I would give it to you. I only know that it is rare, especially in young women and men over the age of 18. Simply put, the cancer is rare in children, and in that rarity, only 1% over 18 get it. Unlike many cancers, this cancer responds well to radiation and chemotherapy.  The worse part is that the cancer grows quickly. The window for opportunity is slim. Progress is needed in the healing department. Everyone is doing all they can do, and even Vincent is fighting. I keep hearing he will be good, that I will have a son come home. It is difficult to see this. I'm sitting on the fence because I know the slim window of opportunity.

I will attempt to do my sketch work again. I need that distraction as well.Once the swelling decreases to safe numbers, I will go home in the evening to rest. For now, I stay here. Internet access is poor here. Luckily, tonight, I have the internet card, allowing me to do some things instead of quickly getting needed information done at home when I drop in briefly. I had to decide what I would do tonight: read students' papers, or take some time for just me. Obviously, I took time for me.