Love

When love is not madness, it is not love. ~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca

I just read this quote on the blog “Cheek of God.” Interesting that the quote would appear with the madness happening in my home, and the home of the family that houses Ginet’s ex. Michelle stays in connect with Ginet, which is very welcomed, because if Ginny won’t listen to me, she usually listens to Michelle. Why I am here to post isn’t for myself, actually, it is for Michelle. Her mother is very ill, in much pain, and won’t be on the earth much longer. Michelle told me that they cannot find where the cancer started, and treatments have failed. Last night as I was speaking to Michelle, something happened and she had to let me go, immediately. I found out today that her mother took a drastic downfall in her health in a few minutes. Please pray for Michelle Potts and her family as they go through this hard time. My problems, and Ginet’s, seem so small compared to dealing with a dying parent / grandparent.

Michelle, our thoughts are with you.

On another note:

Ginet had surgery today on her wrist to remove a cyst. Nothing tragic happened, but a little worried. This is the second time her blood pressure has risen considerably. The doctor and I think it may have been nerves, or fright, but Ginet said she was fine until she felt the drowsiness hit her from the medication. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. This same thing has happened to me, but not with what is called a “local.” As soon as she felt like she couldn’t breathe, she heard them say the number 180, which was the top number of her blood pressure. The doctor said she shot up to 180 over 90. Not good. Yesterday, at a doctor visit, she was 90 over 50. Something isn’t right. Now a vigilant watch. Maybe there is something that is being missed dealing with her heart problem.

a trip to the mall

Saturday, I took Ginet to the mall to shop with a friend. Sadly, none of her friends that are girls have kept in contact with her, so it was a guy friend. Proudly, she said to him when she made the plans, "If I don't have a group to hang out with, my mom has to come." They guy said, "Ok, sounds like fun."

I met him. He's young. His brother and step mom were there; we came across them occasionally. Ginny helped him select clothing. He was polite, joked around with me, had some good conversation (all three of us), and a little before we left, he smiled at Ginet and said, "Your mom's cool; coolest mom I've met." Don't know if that was because I was there or if he was serious.

Ginet wanted a few other friends there, but myspace tag doesn't work so fast, not like having text messaging. For her, I think I'll attempt to get a cheap plan that has unlimited texting. Can't have her in front of the computer screen all day.

Well, after two hours at the mall, she came home peppier. A little later that night, though, a bomb fell: ex's girlfriend stated she was pregnant. Don't think it's true, I think it was sent to her to upset her. It will take some time for her to not react when messages come to her like this. Yep, she is young, but I know she trusted him with every ounce of her body. She has always been a trusting person, thus she gets crushed easily. I guess that is better than being bitter and weary all the time--I just don't know. Maybe, all of this, will teach her how to read body language, and pick up signals of others to tell her how far she can trust.

On the ranting side of life. Garry's medical situation has changed little. Don't know who to contact to get done what needs to be done. Every time he calls, he gets the run around, passed to someone else.

Well, must go now, be back later, time to leave for church.

the break up

For all of you that have heard about my daughter's heart break, she is doing reasonably well. I don't know if the goofing around is fake or real, but she is laughing. She has decided to just go out on dates--when she is ready. For now, she said it is best for her to hang out with a bunch of people. I took her to the library a few days ago to meet a friend that she met through another friend about a year ago, someone she has talked to for a long time. Her and I met the young man, and his buddies that he hangs out with--girls and boys--down at the library. We all spent about two hours talking. The young man has been here for her on line and by phone all through the relationship she had with Derek. I could see he really cares for her, but he kept a proper demeanar. I don't think it was because I was around much of the time, I think he understands what she is going through. Ginet understands she needs some distance as well, and told him she wouldn't step into another relationship any time soon. Smart girl! I'm proud of her. Anyway, she told me he hugged her a few times when they were talking when I wasn't there, because she started crying, but he never attempted anything. After three to four nights of crying with her because of her pain, it was nice to see her smile and laugh outside the house.

Now here's something I have to really think about. A boy, and I mean boy, from Florida, said he was coming up to see her before school started. I know they've talked on line for some time, but this "boy" is only 16. What kind of freedom does he have? And he's a senior? Is that possible: 16 and a senior? There is one thing that Ginet and I, and her father has agreed about. She is not to be alone with any one fella for some time, everything will be in a group or a double date, even chaperoned by I or big brother if need be. Hey, I didn't say it, she did! Maybe this bad experience was a good thing. Hate saying that, because she does love Derek, and I know she would probably take him back (with severe conditions, she has said to me).

To My Viewers

Please visit LukiaSkyWritingToBeFree.blogspot.com to view my stories and poems from now on. I'll be keeping this site for venting.

Zolof or excuse?

My youngest has shown stages of depression for some time, my husband and I fighting it naturally. Now, because she believes 18 means mom and dad are completely cut out of the equation, every small situation is an issue. A month ago, after her physician spoke to her, she came out and told him how she felt there were times she didn't want to live. He prescribed Zolof (and if the spelling is wrong, oh well, you know what I'm talking about). She has calmed down, not flying off in a rage as often, but . . . . Today, her boyfriend called me into the room to talk to me. She had told him she has thought about killing herself. It's been a little over a year since we conquered the "cutting." I also know, much of the problem also stems from her money she receives from SSI. Her father and I have came up against a problem stemming from lack of work (not being able to find a job). I informed her that I would need her next two checks to "keep" the house, that I would be missing a car payment, and asking the church for help to pay for the utilities and have food on the table. The fury began. I am being unfair. I'm using her. She doesn't understand that her father and I have received SSI for her since she has been six, this being part of our income for years. I truly want her to have "all her money," except what we agreed upon as rent after she turned 18. Although, she has never took her money to buy her "needs", which includes food. I understand her point, but she seems to think dad's SS is enough to pay for essential living, i.e, house, utilities, personal needs, food, and insurance, not including gas for a vehicle and the up keep of house and vehicle.

Sometimes I wonder if some of this stems from her boyfriend who has been out of work since March. I know he wants to take a trip to Chicago to visits friends before he goes into the service. The thing is, his leaving date isn't set yet--which needs a little explaining that I don't feel like going into here. her father and I have attempted to explain "a roof over your head, or living in the street (not exactly, but living with relatives, most likely her sister, who she doesn't want to be around right now). She doesn't realize the packing and moving that would have to be done, quickly, nor the amount of money to just move!

Anyhow, I don't know if her saying she feels like killing herself is due to the Zolof, which can cause this feeling, or the fact she thinks that her father and I are using her. She has refused to do chores, to do anything but sleep, watch movies, draw on the cement porch with chalk, and primp . . . and be ready for her boyfriend when he shows up.

Last night we had a blow out. I sat in my room crying, so angry with her for insinuating that I only want her money, and she insisting she doesn't have to do anything in this house if she doesn't want to because she is "18", and because I'm taking her money. She believes she can live on her small amount of money every month without working: rent, phone, utilities and food.

I think her father and I were weak on teaching her the meaning of responsibility, but how do you teach a child the meaning of money when he / she still cannot understand how to count it? Did we allow her disability to keep us from doing what we did with the others? Her math skills barely reach second grade level. Is her concept of money unrealistic? Is it our fault?

A part of me says "a little", while another part of me blames her in butting heads with me continuously in her lessens.

I can't write about this anymore without getting upset with the education system as much as with her and myself. I don't know what to do.