I really miss Thursday nights. That time together forced me to be constructive. I really need to be constructive right now, but don't have the effort to do so. Need a push.

Bringing the Mountain to Mohammad

Garry has his own garden on top of my dresser now. He's growing miniature sunflowers, herbs, a cactus, and I don't know the names of the many other plants on my dresser. Then, he has a pet green frog, a baby garter snake, and a baby painted turtle. The green frog escaped last night. Though the dog may have ate it, but I heard this ruckus coming from the open window, and there he was attempting to jump out of the window through the screen. Well, at least all of this gives Garry something to do. The problem is, I now have to help care for some of it because his hands don't always cooperate. Like I don't have enough to do already. Wonder if I'll ever see the top of my dresser again?

Garry has been doing poorly. The doctor upped his meds, and he is close to the limit for them all. Don't know what will be done once he reaches that limit.

The children think I've been a real big grouch. I've been jumping on everyone about not keeping the house clean. My day is spent cleaning mostly. I have told them all that the stove gets cleaned off every night. Tonight I didn't do any dishes. I've been washing dishes twice a day for the past three days. Guess what? The dishes are still sitting there. Hard fact is that I'm out of dishwasher tabs, and no one wants to wash by hand. Hell, they hardly loaded the dishwasher, and then never washed the pots and pans if they couldn't go into the dishwasher.

Still schooling Ginet when "she" decides to be schooled. I'm also schooling the granddaughters. Parents didn't have the money to pay for the last quarter at the Lutheran school. Four hours is spent with them, and Kyla is ADHD! What fun!

Back to the house. I can't believe the filth that was left everywhere when I was working and taking classes. I'm finding everything everywhere. I have to find a job I can do from home! But, then again, where would I hide. I've been getting up in the mornings to do things, and staying up a little late at night. Three days out of the week I sleep late (but of course I can't go pass 8:30 because the dog wakes me to go out). I never know when he'll wake me: anywhere from 6 to 8:30. If Garry is up, and isn't feeling too rough, and he knows my the day before was long for me, he'll take Boots out. I just wish we could get him to stop chasing rabbits and birds! I would love to let him run in the yard and play soccer with me without a leash or chain.

Hmm. Briefly, Derek and Ginet are now taking it very slow. Many many issues have occured. Let me say, they were forced into it by many many people. Seems to be what was needed. The rumors have disapated some. He travels with relatives or very close friends everywhere he goes. Garry told him he wasn't welcomed here for a while. In about a week, Garry will let him back into the house. Ginet is handling the best she can. I keep telling her that some separaton does the heart good. Anyhow, all the "issues" sent Garry's blood pressure rocketing, and tensed up all the muscles in his body, causing many tremors for a few days. It has been reasonably quiet lately. I don't know what to do with myself when I don't clean, or when I'm not working on my poems, short stories, books, or looking for work.

Hey! Does anyone know of a job that pays well, and there are openings?

Star Trek

My Mother's Day gift from my hubby was a trip to Rave; although he didn't go. Loved the movie. I think critics put it down. While I'm not a big big fan, I think it was done tactfully, and the actors and actresses chosen for the parts studied the original actors' and actresses' movements and manners well. The show impressed me by the ability to make me "see" the characters as I know them; plus, the dialogue was wonderfully done, fitting the personality of each character impeccably. Of course, it helped going in without any expectations.

Soap Opera Letters continued

The show begins on time; the opening scene in the driveway of Mrs. C's home. Miss G is in the house practicing her craft--art. Mr. D and Miss K are outside standing in the driveway. Miss G's brother has come over for a visit. He opens the door to step out for a smoke. Do his eyes deceive him? Are Miss K and Mr. D embracing? Mr. D is confronted. He denies everything, and boldly states that Miss K was frightened by a loud sound, that he was only comforting her. Miss G's brother walks away; although, he does tell Miss G.

The scene jumps to Miss G sharing her experiences with a friend: "I know they've made out; in fact, we've had a threesome." This friend hears the soreness behind the words; this friend recalls her past; this friend weeps for what is to come.

Mrs. D drops the remote as she stands up quickly. The remote lands vertically, then falls face first. Mrs. D stumbles across the floor ill to her stomach: "What has happened to the simplicity of breaking up, of finally saying, "I don't want to be with you?""

Well, those of you that know me, I hope you enjoyed another clip of "Soap Opera Letters." For those of you who don't, take it as you see / hear it. There is meaning in "soap" for those of you who aren't in the inside.

My Papers Are Done

I turned in my last paper tonight. However, I'm still not completely free. I have students' papers to read. Last night, after finishing my post colonial paper, I decided today would be movie and family day, stay at home and be lazy day. For the most part it was. Some dishes, a run to the grocery store, and the run to the school to turn in the last paper. Yaaaaaahooooooooooo! A May 2009 Graduate Student! I do admit, I don't know what I'll do with myself if I'm not studying for a reason. Although, I know I will be writing. I'm definitely sending out work this summer—no slacking. Publishing is the goal.

Now, to write about what this blog was made for—taking care of a disabled husband. While what I'm going to speak about isn't directly about my husband's disability, it is about dealing with the situation, and another type of disability I've witnessed within my own church community. I've began a gathering for women who take care of a disabled member of the family. Originally, the plan was for women with disabled husbands. Since few (as in two, one of them my own daughter) came for the first two meetings, I broadened the field to family members. Sadly, the gathering has only stayed to two to three women (not including me); plus, the place where the gatherings are to be held has never been available to me—the trustee has never unlocked the room. Once, to even have entrance into the Lutheran school, I had to check with the church office, hoping someone was there to let me into the school, where the small gathering used the commons, as we have been doing. I know there are women within the congregation that have disabled husbands, disabled children, and other disabled family members (both physical and mental). I've personally invited one woman from the congregation. I don't understand what is to be feared about discussing the daily activities, fears, issues, agitations, frustrations of everyday life with a disabled family member. I've arranged the gatherings to be creative, to be expressive through the art that a woman enjoys mostly, the art that makes her feel comfortable, welcoming, and herself.

I'm saddened that the women in my church community do not see this as an opportunity to explore the well being of the self. I wander, how do they deal with it, who do they speak to? I needed someone else to speak to, to explore my emotions of life when dealing with my husband; hell, I needed it when I was raising my two mentally disabled children! What is the fear? Are they afraid to find the self?

I'm with finding another place to bring the gathering together. I will be reaching out to more than my church community. A letter will be going out to another member's church family in a couple of weeks. I'm hoping it only takes me one week to find another place to hold the gatherings.

Please, if anyone reads this that lives in Fort Wayne, please post a request to find out where the meetings are if you are interested in coming to a gathering. The group releases its feelings through any art form, and then discusses what we have done—asking of ourselves, and of others, and sharing what we think. We never judge! We are not gathering to judge each other, we are gathering to get in touch with ourselves, to help ourselves through the issues that face us as we live life with a disabled family member. Come, All Is Ready.